5150 Business Strategy

Life in the Corporate Fast Lane and Still Remaining Intelligent

I Don’t Give a Rat’s Ass 2

The partner of an accounting firm we utilized for the annual audit turned out to personify all that is bad in the public accounting world. He had his head up his ass and turned out to be a member of the whack pack. The bank that referred him to us turned out to be official members of the whack pack as well. This audit partner barely knew what work in process was all about but he pontificated as if he originated the term – can you say bullshitter.

I can only assume that the audit partner and the banker involved did not realize that accounting and finance required an affinity for understanding, not only numbers, but what drives the numbers. Neither could find their way out of a paper bag if it involved understanding what financial ratios were about or what they meant to a business in reality. To them the numbers were just numbers and the underlying processes were lost on them. Trying to work with them was a losing proposition. So, we showed them the door.

I was told by the auditor who we hired to replace the whack packer that it was the first time he had heard of an auditor being fired prior to finishing the audit engagement. In retrospect I should have seen it coming since the audit team was staffed with what appeared to be foreign nationals where english was a second language, along with contract auditors who were brought in to supplement this firms thinly experienced staff. In the interest of keeping peace I allowed the incompetence to go on for way too long. By the time I pulled the plug this whack packer had already done all his damage, or so I thought.

Enter the whack pack banker who chose to contact the newly fired auditor. Of course, if you fire an auditor there must be something wrong with the company versus something wrong with how the auditor is performing, right? Ignore the fact that we, as the banks client, had provided copious amounts of data to the bank and kept them in the loop throughout the entire relationship. Another example of supposed professionals not understanding the parameters they are charged with monitoring. The extent of their understanding was that debt to equity should not exceed 3.0. Ask them what might drive debt to equity and their eyes would glaze over and the response was ,”..we only know it should not exceed 3.0, don’t question our requirements”. Head up ass syndrome.Completely clueless.

According to the auditor and the banker we were on the edge of failure, had no future, and the doors would be closing. Funny, three years down the road and the business is thriving. What gives? What gives is that nothing these whack packers predicted through their great expertise came to pass because they were wrong, wrong, wrong. Wow, what a surprise – auditors and bankers who are clueless. Unfortunately, it is not an isolated incident – incompetence in critical positions which influence the future of businesses is far too common.

I still remember the whack pack auditor and our last meeting where he declared that, “.. your charts and tracking are bullshit” when it came to identifying financial trends. Well, Einstein he was not as the benchmarks we utilize have proved to be invaluable despite this whack packers pronouncements. He was so convinced that all the accounting processes we had in place were deficient – funny, seems like his skills were the only thing deficient as the auditors we brought in to replace this numb nut found no deficiencies. Say what!! Of course this is the same numb nut who refused to work on the account because we had not paid his firm as per the terms. I pointed out that he should review the executed contract and, guess what, we were in compliance. This was typical of his incompetence. Adios, dipshit.

Similarly, the bankers thought we were too deficient to be granted lines of credit. We were schmucks that would be destitute in very short order. WTF, we not only got a larger line of credit but better loan covenants as well when we kicked them to the curb. Tell me it ain’t so Joe DiMaggio. How can this be?? It can be because incompetence appears to know no bounds, it pervades organizations at every level and can be devastating to a business. Luckily the “I don’t give a rat’s ass attitude” allowed us to persevere and rise above the whack packers.

Note: a good audit firm works with you to get the job done, not against you. They understand the inherent limits in working in the real world that prevent following accounting rules to the “T”. The same goes for a good banker, they work with you and understand that the world businesses operate in is not perfect – not everything happens as scheduled.

Lesson learned: don’t let the whack packers get you down. Make changes as necessary until you find the relationship that works for all parties involved. Jettison those who lack the intelligence to understand the realities of the environment your business operates in.


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