You Can’t Fix Stupid

Another viewpoint

So called management at one firm thought they had the upper hand in a game of should we pay him for the stock he owns or not. For months they labored under the misguided notion that withholding my stock payout somehow gave them power to shape events related to another business entity that I was managing partner. Two other members of this LLC had given their desire to exit due to their loss of confidence in those remaining at the operating company. The brain trust, and I use brain loosely, thought they had control of all the variables needed to force a resolution in which they could payout one third of the value to the exiting members. A low ball offer that they justified under what they called “minority interest”. Funny, thought we were all in this LLC with equal shares – unfortunately for them that was well documented, there were no minority interests in this LLC. Learn to read numbnuts.

The sound of “I am the boss” echoed through the halls as one senior manager jumped up and down in a tantrum. What I say goes and I say we don’t payout stock like we did for everyone else. Of course, then they made an offer to buyout my stock not using the standard formula adopted for past shareholders and, of course, it was for a lower amount. Wait a minute Sparky, here it is clearly documented what the formula is and how it is to be applied. The reply after consulting with their counsel was worded in legalese – “we are not bound to calculate share value with the formula you provided but we will in this one instance”. LOL, checkmate. Sign this agreement before we do the calculation and we will pay you out. Ha, Ha, Ha – nice try you dimwits, I don’t think so – you do the calculation and establish the price and then I will sign. Checkmate. Then things go on hold as they regroup and try to figure out other ways to screw me over. This takes several months as they are extremely dim witted and it takes a long time for them to come up with these lame brain schemes.

Right about now one of the brain trust looks at the balance sheet and sees the shareholder loan which has been on the books for the last five years. I can see the senior manager now running down the hall in glee declaring victory but then realizing that the loan is for more than the stock value they owe me, LOL. Glee turns to sadness as they realize they have been outmanuevered once again. Checkmate. The senior pigs gather round to devise a new strategy. Although just about every one of them has a shareholder loan they of the weak minded arrive at this – the shareholder loan he has is unauthorized and this is embezzlement. Really!! It took you five years to figure this out, LOL. If I was an embezzler this company would be a target rich environment – they were clueless. First, let me record my entries on the balance sheet for all to see and then distribute these statements to all partners every month. What a most excellent strategy not to be discovered, LOL. Like I have said numerous times – these guys are not the sharpest knives in the drawer, one short of a six pack, toys in the attic, etc…. You get the idea, I am dealing with those of limited IQ.

Lesson learned: You can’t fix stupid. There’s not a pill you can take or a class you can go to.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.