Too many hours of my life have been wasted in meetings with senior level management who were clueless about the nature of WIP. One such manager truly believed that managing WIP would insure that the project was managed profitability. They would grill the project manager for explanations on why the WIP on a project, and their office, was being managed so poorly, from a previous post – dumbass. Everyone understood the futility of the exercise except for this completely clueless senior manager. Of course no one wanted to tell this senior manager the futility of the exercise since they would then be subjected to a string of personal invectives intended to stifle questioning.
When this manager was asked about the concept and mechanism of how WIP worked in various circumstances they could not answer. Yet they were comfortable in speaking authoritatively on what WIP should be and how to insure that it was accurately calculated. Call them clueless……
Really, you mean to tell me that reversing the prior month WIP and then entering the current month WIP is the way you record the effect of WIP in the current month?? WOW, I did not know that. Really? You are expounding on the importance of WIP and how you need to manage it which is, first, incorrect as you should “manage projects, not WIP” and you don’t even know how it is calculated. You don’t even understand that it is the incremental difference month over month which affects the income statement!!!! Puhleez, why are you wasting everyone’s time?? I can imagine this same exercise in futility continues to this day with this senior manager, clueless.
Combine this with the other senior managers who were incapable of independent thought and you have the making of an epic comedy. Moe falls all over himself trying to walk and chew gum at the same time. Duh, whatever they said I agree with, please don’t yell at me. Someone get this guy a new hairdo, LOL. Curly, scratches his balls and continues to stare down at the table so he doesn’t have to contribute anything intelligent to the analysis, which he is incabable of doing. Larry makes some cute remark which is how he starts every conversation to ingratiate himself with the senior manager. Something witty and ass kissing that keeps his nose firmly planted up the senior managers ass, LOL. No need to change this process, just humor the senior manager and let them think something is being accomplished, LOL. Another two hours of my life that I will never get back……….
Here is what a typical Q&A session might be like with the likes of Moe, Larry, Curly and Jane…
– OK guys how many of you know the difference between positive and negative WIP?
Jane: Oh, Oh, me, me, me Jane stammers expressively jumping up and down with arms flailing in the air.
– Yes Jane, you go ahead and tell us the difference.
Jane: Easy peezy, positive WIP is when the positive ions outnumber the negative ions and negative WIP is when negative ions outnumber the positive ions!! She does the superstar cheerleader stance with smug satisfaction.
– Are you shitting me, this is your answer after I have explained it a million times before. You are truly clueless. Moe, what is the correct answer?
Moe: I agree with Jane on the positive negative thing. Is that OK?
– Again, are you shitting me, are you totally spineless? Wait, I already know the answer to that, LOL. Curly, what is the correct answer?
Curly: Mumbling, grumbling, and gurgling sound…. Uh, scratching his balls and rearranging things in the nether region and then he states, “I am opposed”.
– WTF, what the hell are you opposed to? That was not the question.
Curly: I don’t care, I am opposed.
– Jesus, this is great. Larry, what is the correct answer?
Larry: Well Jane you are looking very chipper for so early in the morning, did you smoke some meth before you came in this morning? Yuk, Yuk, Yuk….. Maybe the coffee has some extra caffeine in it, Yuk, Yuk, Yuk. Anyway the answer is whatever Jane says it is!
– Great, all of you are totally worthless.
This is a journey to the dark side of the moon where there exists a vacuum between the ears. A black hole from which no intelligent thought escapes. A time warp in which meetings repeat themselves month after month, week after week and the same non-results are celebrated as progress!!! Yet, the profit fade and poor project management never change. There is consistency in the fact that nothing changes – poor estimating and project management are the rule, not the exception.
Managing your project effectively means monitoring and changing the following as things change over the life of the project: Contract value, Change Orders, Original estimate, and Estimate to complete. If you maintain realism of these items the beneficiary is the WIP. The WIP does not drive project profitability, your actions on the project do. Those who say they don’t know how their project is doing because the WIP is incorrect are simply wrong. They don’t know where their project is because they have not managed their project. The following statement will never ring true, “if it wasn’t for my WIP I would have made my margins on this project.”. WIP does not drive project profitability, it is a byproduct of good project management. MANAGE PROJECTS, DO NOT MANAGE WIP.
Lesson learned: Oh clueless ones, Better to Remain Silent and Be Thought a Fool than to Speak and Remove All Doubt
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Posted in Lessons in Being Dysfunctional
, Swimming Against the Tide
and tagged Catch 22
, Cuckoos Nest
, Gates of hell
, organizational psychology